My kid still takes a bottle. She’s five!

If you have an older child who’s using a bottle or pacifier — or if you just want some ideas for what to do when you want to bottle wean or ease that transition — this article on bottle weaning older kids might give you some ideas for how to fix the habit. ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎‎‎

The following is an edited transcript of this podcast episode. 

Lots of parents struggle with bottle weaning older kids and a podcast listener recently wrote to me with this exact question. This mom asked, “Oh goodness, our daughter’s now 5 years old and STILL sucking a bottle at night. I’m not sure how we got here, but help, please help!” She also did go on to say that inside the bottle is already water, but still her daughter won’t stop. 

Why do we struggle with bottle weaning older kids?

I call this kind of situation a missed growth curve. What I mean by that is that there were probably some moments along the way where this child was about to give up her bottle, but something happened that threw her off.

If I had to guess, I’d say more than likely, we were busy. We were running around. We’d started to create maybe a new routine around not having the bottle. There were some late nights in a row, and maybe mom was really tired, busy with her other kids, and they were just like, “Hey, you know what? Let’s just give her the bottle. It’ll help.”

So what happens in those moments is that a child is ready to grow out of something. And then there’s a time where, usually because we are so overwhelmed, we can’t support the leap. This means the child gets stuck because they miss the moment to jump. Think of it like double dutch, right? When you’re playing jump rope as a kid, there’s that moment you can jump in. And if you miss that moment, then it’s hard.

What to do if you missed the moment to bottle wean?

If you’re in this kind of situation, don’t worry, you’ll get another opportunity! It’s really important to keep your eyes open for another moment, because they will keep presenting.

Just like the jump rope, there will be another time where this child is kind of ready or curious about what it would look like to stop. You want to be ready so that it doesn’t hit you and you’re like, “Uh oh, now what do I do?”

So how should we get ready for bottle weaning older kids?

Well, this mom has already done one step of this, which is fill the milk with water. When bottle weaning an older kid we want to make the current choice less appealing! Another thing we could do is we could start putting less and less water in there without making a big deal out of it. It’s just got a little less water.

Now, in order to help smooth that transition, we want to do something really interesting during that time so that she doesn’t quite notice that there’s less water. This isn’t a matter of tricking her. It’s a matter of helping her brain detach from the rigidity of a habit that’s not really serving her.

Because this habit isn’t going to be great for her teeth. It’s not going to help her upper palate expand properly. And overall, it’s just going to be really nice if she can accomplish this growth curve. It’s going to give her a sense of self-confidence!

Involve your older child in the process of bottle weaning

Now, you can also really enroll the child in this process and say, “Hey, here’s why this is not great for your mouth. Here’s why I want to figure out how to do this with you. And how can I help support you? What would make it worth your while?”

You could even go so far as to show her some really cool science videos of what happens when people suck on a pacifier or a bottle for too long and how it stops the palate from expanding.

The world is an amazing place these days and you can find all sorts of information. Some kids are really motivated by that science. For some kids, it may be a reward that they get if they choose to stop. 

Find alternatives for oral fixation

For other kids, it may be as simple as infusing a new routine and a new ritual. Something that gives them that same sense of comfort and connection and soothing. There’s a company called Chewelry that sometimes can be helpful when bottle weaning older kids. Here, kids get a bracelet or a necklace that’s safe to chew on and helps with that oral fixation but isn’t something that you’re just going to suck on constantly.

Replace the old habit with a new and more rewarding one.

Something to keep in mind with bottle weaning older kids is that, once a child is old enough, they can really have a say in this transition, which also means they can say, “Nope, I’m not willing to do it!”

In which case, again, you wait for the double dutch to turn and you wait for a moment where they ARE willing to do it because there will always be another opportunity for growth. In the meantime, get yourself ready and have some fun replacement activities in place, because the best way to lose a bad habit is to start a good one.

So find something absolutely more fabulous that you can replace that habit with. Buckminster Fuller has a great quote about not trying to convince people that the old way is wrong, simply building a newer, better way that works better.

You make the choice really easy that way!